I am just a shadow.
I wish I could show you
The infinite Incandescence
That has cast my brilliant image!
I wish I could show you
When you are lonely or in darkness,
The Astonishing Light
Of your own Being!
Hafiz • My Brilliant Image • translation by Daniel Ladinsky
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably had some
agonizing experiences with self-judgment.
Sometimes it can feel like an underlying anxious mood that permeates
your efforts to begin or complete a project.
Other times it might cause you to explode in an inner tirade of
self-criticism, harsh and berating. It
might also hang around, as you chew on your past actions, replaying the scenes with
self-effacing commentaries as you cringe with regret.
While this might be considered a natural fall-out of being
human, the tendency to be hard on yourself can easily become habitual, creating
an inner atmosphere of disappointment, anger, even self-loathing resulting in
the sense of being your own worst enemy.
There’s a story about the Dali Lama being asked about this
phenomenon of Self-Hatred. He was so
confused by the word that he asked for clarification. When he finally understood what it meant, he replied, ”But, no. This is
wrong. The way to relate to oneself is with self-compassion and love. You as
much as anyone else in the universe are deserving of your love.”
Sounds
so simple, yet why is it so difficult to follow this wise man’s advice? One explanation has to do with the tendency to
associate self-compassion with being selfish and self-indulgent as well as considering
yourself to be undeserving. The other
explanation: not knowing how to go about it.
How does one “do” self-compassion?
Here
are some truths about Self-Compassion that can help. It is neither selfish nor
self-indulgent. It does not lead to
narcissism or disregard for others. And
it is unconditional, independent of your deserving. Further good news: it is part of your true nature, one of the
soul-qualities of your Authentic Self.
It is not something you need to create from scratch.
Yet
it still requires practice to gain access to Self-Compassion on a regular,
healthy basis. More on this in my next
blog post: Essential Practices for
Self-Compassion.
